Autumn 2013

35.

Today is not a very good day... Feeling of 'being in a bucket'- with stagnant time and dreams too high. So dull, no spark around... Space is good. Too much space would be questionable...


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My darling... Please. I have to ask you to leave me now in peace... Unreality is starting to haunt me. I do not want to play a guessing game no more... And I do not know any other way to manage this around. So please... Just go... Out of my head, my body, my heart, my dreams... Just leave... Please... I do not want to fill this empty space with another fantasy... I do not want to do this ever again... I want to be here. And now. Totally present. Without unreal unmanageable distractions... Please... Dreaming is not enough for me any more... I want to feel. I want to touch. I want to smell. I want to have. On my palm... Besides that snowflake I have asked about... In a moment of real. With a sense of possibility. With a thought of forever. Somewhere along the highway... Not in a memory lane... Somewhere I can become that snowflake, to melt on the lips... from the biggest pleasure... of the hottest first kiss...

Just leave, my darling, leave...

I choose to live...

Even in this vast empty space of my present, alone...

Please...

May the Light shines on you, my Halloween ghost long-lived...

Goodbye.

And-

Thank you...

by Brigita Stasun