Autumn 2013

36.

Desire to be in a few different places at the same time creates a havoc.

Havoc is a stage number one. Accelerated motion screws you in a circle of routine and you simply starting to live only its details- the ones which never changes- alternation stops... Then you just 'do what you have to do'- over and over again. With no joy or laughter. In heaviness of 'same same no different'. 

Stage number two. When you not able just be, you always find what to do. You do not question the value- you just spin like a peg-top in an orbit of Saturn. When you start asking questions, you realize that you have to stop accelerating; but your Ego- which is riding wild horse of the mind- refuses to do so. The panic starts after an understanding that its forces are more potent than you thought.

Stage number three- the tussle starts. All sorts of emotions joins this battle. To reconcile or to split you apart- depends...

 

That is how I live here and now. On the way to Dublin- to recharge musically (Depeche Mode concert- David!!!), to search for a different vibes and, maybe, to find (or, at least, to notice) some of their sparkles...

Autumn is triumphing in colours. Warmth is still felt. 'Classic Relax' sounds calls winter bells upon... It is sunny on my land beloved.

Arnold T, 2013

Arnold T, 2013

Or, maybe, it is fear? Caused by richness of my existence?? Which I ignore by living in a havoc and dreaming about unrealistic future? It is like tuning into different radio station- you like it, but you not sure you want it- the old one was good also. Even when it does not work at its full potential any more...

Fear is CLEAR in colour. Where? ON MY VISION!!

by Brigita Stasun