Autumn 2014

45.

Transparent Points if Nothing Else

 

I talk and talk and there is no end to it tonight. 'I am going to wreck your head, my darling' so I say. You stare at me, all made of patience, smiley 'If that is who you are, well, I go for it!' I am amazed by the amount of Love you have, amount you give I barely hold. I put my head against your chest and want to weep from all I feel right now. Because right now I have it all, and that all feels heavy and has attachments wrapped around, which never were my friends, just so you know... So the same question today I raise again- 'Without attachments, can we love?'

'Does the attachment equal commitment?'- would be another one.

 

'What is Love' is the most popular question people ask Google, did you know that? I am one of those people apparently too :)


He who binds himself to a joy

Does the winged life destroy

But he who kisses the joy as it flies

Lives in eternity's sunrise.

(William Blake, Eternity)

 

Marga, 2010

Marga, 2010

by Brigita Stasun

44.

 

Pat a Cat

 

Penelope is this kind of lady who catches your eye when walking a street. Sophisticated and intelligent Irish 'city girl' in her mid fifties with impressively developed taste for jewellery style and the eyes, which often change their colour... 'I am a witch' She tells me the very first time I meet her and friendly whispers in my ear 'Please, join the club'. She dresses black and white for the month of November (idea I so like) and opens the map of Ireland to get me clear on which part of holy land I stand; where are 'fingers' of Cork, makes me aware that in the West all smoke pot. 'Different culture there, you'll see Ireland you never seen before'. I laugh all the way at her wondering mind. 'I shouldn't be telling you this, so lets go to the Israel's land, I'll tell you about an adventure of mine to a desert, the twenty seven years old innocent girl who lived with the nuns, like... Tell me anything, girl, I am up for mad drive!

 

Today Penelope comes to dinner under Coco Chanel cloud, wrapped in black and white (of course, her jewellery blows my mind) and brings two cushions with her- comfort cannot be compromised! It makes me smile and think maybe I was forever in this 'club' she talks about, I am one of those who always has a thermos and a blanket when on a mission for a long walk; an apple in my bag each day, in case I meet a homeless girl. Penelope is a fussy meat eater and don't you argue here, little girl; 'I studied biology all my life, because of eating meat human brain evolved!' I nod my head remembering how Madam described Cork women: 'they are very straight forward, they will let you know where you stand before the conversation gets out of hand'. May be the truth, may not; on this note Penelope apologise for her passion about the things that she likes, I pat her hand and tell her not to be silly and not to waste the time, I want to hear another story; her eyes change colour and she asks 'Do you have a man?' Penelope's thoughts are butterflies which appear and vanish so quickly, all colours they do shine! She talks about feminism, she says it kills a man; 'Somebody whistled at you passing by? Mark in your diary, it is a compliment!'

I like her attitude on life, I feel her passion for the world. Her Soul feels pot of gold to me and her heart is lovely cup of tea. You turn your head away and here she's gone; is it winter's breeze which makes butterflies go bored?... or bold, hehe

So here I left alone with balanced old dreams of mine. And nothing short of glorious tonight. 'Sometimes you fall upwards' Penelope's echo I still hear. A scoop of chocolate ice cream on my tongue... my eyes change colour... One more before you go!

 

Before I leave, I see the cushions Penelope has left behind. I take them with me, I know she'll be delightedly surprised to get them back. I walk to the counter to pay for wine and bartender asks me why I have those cushions in my hands. 'It's just a friend of mine forgot to take them home before she left' I say. 'We use them for baby chairs and for a bench outside, so we'd prefer they stay in the restaurant...' He smiles.

 

Ah, Penelope, you are the Witch of Laughter, girl!!

 

 

(... my first gathering with the community of charitable work in Cork.)


On the next day I dress two ladies for a shop window in Christmas Chanel style... What a creative wonderland is our mind!


'In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.'  (Coco Chanel)

 

'Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.' (Coco Chanel)

 

'A woman who does not wear perfume has no future.'  (Coco Chanel) 

 

In Da Club . Briga Saulė, 2012

In Da Club. Briga Saulė, 2012

by Brigita Stasun

43.

Gratitude, day 4

 

I sit in a market besides Christmas tree decorated in flowers, sparkling lights, and inject myself with winter feeling this cool day outside. Today is one of those days when I entertain myself non stop, I celebrate my life! I went to an exhibition in Triskel Arts, had a coffee in very fancy restaurant and tried red shoes on, made by Prada, hey! And Louboutines as well; they both felt great I'll tell ya, I giggled all the way...

I go to luxury shops (like Brown Thomas- today) time from time. To stimulate my visual imagination, not to buy. To see how fashion seasons change. I try good shoes on, I smell leather gloves; sometimes, if I feel like it, I'll try on clothes. I look at myself in a triple mirror and ENJOY the scenery- how beautiful I am! In Gucci fur coat or Saint Laurent white dress... Sometimes I'll try a piece of jewellery, sometimes- the most expensive silk scarf; I swing around Crystal of Waterford which reflects thousand colours in a perfect light and feel so happy and so rich, I too shine! At bedroom section next- Missoni... ah, I like... And for desert is Christmas Wonderland today- specials for every living Alice! I walk inside the music boxes, through the snow I carry basket full of cherries towards the village Christmas lights glow...

I do not have a desire to own these things believe it or not, I look at them as Art which is not for sale. Or sometimes, I imagine I have all of them at home, so I just browsing, because I have some time at hands and like the candle smell of Jo Malone... Feels luxurious both ways! After, I carry sparkles on my face all day...

 

I have learned to live my life slightly different way while being out of work. More simple- ascetic aesthetic, I would poetically say, hehe; but never less classy way! More natural to our human nature in a sense, I think. I pay attention how I spend money and do not feel shortage of them as much. I do research before I go socialising: where are free events or best deal quality wine in town, and when is window sale in my favourite shop (second hand). I find that three euro face cream from Aldi is not that bad at all, and with coconut oil your body falls in love... The book shop I volunteer in gives me books and magazines to take home and when I read them, to return. Mountains of movies offer city libraries as well. I have one famous friend who would organise a free ticket for me to the best shows in town now and then. I do not dine in the city, I eat my dinners home; but have most beautiful desert instead of a main course. I grocery shop every second day, so never throw any food away no more and my meals are always fresh, isn't that great? One thing I miss is travel. But I will work around this too, some day, I'm sure. So I am glad to learn these things and like living this way more, I have to say. There is no need to own the entire world, just play with it and when get tired of a game ask yourself: Are you taking this home? I am sure to carry home a thing you are already bored of would just add weight unnecessary, right? Well, in the end- for each its own, I guess; I choose to travel light.

So interesting the way it goes. It was a time when I desired to own the world, and maybe, I will want it at some point again, who knows. Even that now I understand that we do so anyway. For the price of Love everything is available to us, enjoy!

 

Pure gratitude again...

 

The higher the heel, the better you feel, hehe  (from Christian Louboutine) Briga Saulė, 2014

The higher the heel, the better you feel, hehe (from Christian Louboutine) Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

42.

On Fridays Cork women walk with buckets of flowers in their hands. Inspire your weekend!

This Friday I chat Visual Art which activates my vision for a brighter life at hand; inspires me to stay alive, to be curious and grateful for the fresher feelings, and for the scent of lilies; the very first flowers today I buy...

 

Flowers in the cafe of Crawford Gallery are the ones which call for 'Loves me' :)


Obama proposes new USA Emigration Control system today. All people, who have a child born in America to become American Citizens... Wow.

I get inspired to write and propose an article to a local paper; about my experiences of Social Welfare Support while being unemployed. To tell how grateful and proud I am to live in Ireland. Social Protection in this country established by Universal Law...

 

The world is changing


'We all do better when we work together. Our differences do matter, but our humanity matters more.'  (Bill Clinton)

 

'If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.'  (African proverb)

 

Happy Weekend!  Briga Saulė, 2014

Happy Weekend! Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

41.

I pulsate gratitude. Air pulsates gratitude. People and things around reflect that gratitude. Everything is gratitude today.

I give an apple to a homeless girl and make my way to a coffee shop, Gratitude Coffee to have. I feel strong sense of connectedness to this precious life of mine again, the sun is shining and light radiates...

 

Hello good buy!

Follow the line flow line follow

 


Sitting in a coffee shop has a climate of safety, inspiration and creativity; it holds moments of great honesty, truth and love, next best place to a confession box.

Alive in Coffee.

 

(Holy Molly)

 

Briga Saulė, 2014

Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

40.

Give Nonsense No Energy

 

After heavy nights' rain sunshine comes as a blessing and I feel like singing Summertime. That is what accepted blessing feels like.

I am changing my strategy these days, not to let anxiety take over my blessed days. I set myself a plan: to look after my diet even better and regularly exercise. To search for a job every day (to be my job for now) and to attend all the events I get invited to, alright. This is all I can and will do. Everything else I'll leave it to my Gods. Does this sound like a fair game to you?

After the third job interview I path my way through sunny city so alive. Summertime still in my head and it feels like a spring time. I gaze into newly decorated shop windows which remind me Christmas close at hand. No preparation will be needed, I'll enjoy my friend's Christmas trees and fairies that will land  (   )

 

Unfinished lines means business unfinished or WHAT? 


Yes, WHAT indeed! I got my first job in Cork!

Receptionist at a Law firm, established in nineteen sixties; my privilege!

 

Pink hearts and snowflakes are REAL

 

 

 

('... I'll enjoy my friend's Christmas trees and fairies that will land, bringing something fresh and permanent into my hand...' I open my diary and finish the line :)

 

Cork in Gold . Briga Saulė, 2014

Cork in Gold. Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

39.

Imagine you are a mist... Release toxic energy like a mist pervades on the valley of your city... Relax your body, find where the blockages are and spread a mist... famous Southern one... takes off... release... LOVE


'In nature, action and reaction are continuous. Everything is connected to everything else. No one part, nothing, is isolated. Everything is linked, and interdependent. Everywhere everything is connected to everything else. Each question receives the correct answer.'  (Svami Prajnanpad)

 

by Brigita Stasun

38.

Pink hearts and pink snowflakes around...

I am programming my unconscious by 'I am eternally blessed and eternally protected, I am abundant on all levels, I am connected to Eternal Heart of the Universe...'

 

and I think it works 


Listing through my forgotten Bibles I find this:

'When we are little we learn how to feel about ourselves and about life by the reactions of the adults around us. Whatever these beliefs are, they will be recreated as experiences as we grow up. However, we are only dealing with thought patterns, and the point of power is always in the present moment. Changes can begin in this very moment.'  (Louise L.Hay 'You Can Heal Your Life')

 

Briga Saulė, 2014

Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

37.

The Toss

 

Exactly two months I am in Cork today. And today my eyes are black. I had a coffee, two cigarettes, four Roche Ferrero sweets for my breakfast and went back to bed. I didn't celebrate.

It is one thing when you are unemployed and not looking for an employment and another when you are. Handling unemployed anxiety is a tough challenge. Second time in my life I am at it. The previous happened just before I came to Ireland, fourteen years ago. Just it was different that time: I lived in a family home with my Granny, who was a messenger of Love. She kept my breakfast warm until I manage to get out of bed (usually after a lunch time) and secretly put few coins together with a sweetie into may bag every day... She wiped my tears before the bed time and stayed compassionate while I was contemplating suicide, the twenty three years old girl. And that had helped me very much. I managed to maintain morale- the sense of self-worth, while sinking in a bucket of shame of being unemployed... I prayed and asked the God never to put me through this challenge again. I even convinced myself that it will never happen...

Two cycles passed and here I am at it again. Just this time on my own, grown up, I suppose. Responsible for my own actions and decisions made. 'I got what I deserved' I am sure some of you will say. And partially that will be true, perhaps. Unconscious Catholic in me strives hard to get me on my knees, repent, for life lived not a proper way. For not appreciating all what was already given, for being narcissistic, egocentric, vain; for thinking I am God myself, for running after dreams, what are they, by the way? And here I find myself in the same bucket filled with shame. I have allowed one of my inner voices to sabotage my thinking, and there is no one with to contemplate a suicide. Ah, don't freak out now, please, Madam. To contemplate refers to philosophise about it, right? And we are just on time...

How many of us had this thought in life? How many times? How many of us got that momentary comfort of a sense of having a choice at the very critical point? Even that we knew (and know) that this is not an option, so it will never happen, alright. It's just this feeling of having some control over hopelessness, I think. So it is pretty normal to have this thought when you are overwhelmed with shadows of a life, when you are very scared... We talked with one my fiend the other time (the one, who doesn't live 'the proper way' as well)... 'And what are you going to do then?' I asked him about uncertain future of his dream. 'I am going to walk into volcano' He replies and blows my mind away. I knew exactly what he meant by it, because I know how that feels. But there are no volcanoes to walk into and so we wink our eye. Because we know, whatever is- would pass, the sun will shine bright again, he'll get married and I will get employed, then I get married, he'll start his most successful business; and in the mornings we'll walk our dogs... All is okay. We always carry on ;)

 

Film festival in Cork these days. I follow movies related to mental illness, so I do. After each one we have discussion panel. Every single time someone stands up and says 'I have (had) mental health issues' we applaud. How brave we humans really are, each time I weep.  Every declaration of a similar nature is an acknowledgement and acceptance of a problem. The starting point, as we speak. Naturally, the next question is 'Where do I go from here?' I believe. Would we say something like this if we would never have an intention to go forward, to heal? It is important to validate what's difficult and how exactly difficult it is, I think. It calls us and our loved ones to evaluate the situation and to make appropriate response. It is important clearly to communicate. Might save you feeling guilty in some ways...

Ireland is a leading country for suicides, especially amongst young people. Somehow, it is very much of a taboo to talk about these things. Not even in the circle of the friends, hmmm. I watch how most of us would turn their eyes and look for another subject straight away... Are we protecting ourselves? So what exactly of we are afraid?

 

Yes, heavy questions I ask lately. But it is just 'that' time and one of 'those' days. And no one on a 'hot spot' themes with to communicate, but that's okay. 'How to Handle Unemployed Anxiety' plan is on my wall beside my desk and the prescription I have wrote myself (wise people say it's very much of help) is on my kitchen fridge. My Granny comes into my dreams to check on me and calm the storms. 'Help other's Help yourself' She says... and puts big yellow hat onto my overloaded head...

 

 

(... the start of a new diary.)

 

Dublin . Arno T, 2014

Dublin. Arno T, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

36.

Borderland

 

Vacant blue sky

Visible sounds

Beauty around, but

hallow lines random down

in search for a central thought. Ignored.

Being in the dark tastes sweet delirium

Strange confidence greets passive revolution

 

Anti paranoia treatment can blank the eyes

'The pain owns me completely'. The voice of life.

Indulged insanity steers the existence in the solar system

Pendulum swinging, existential crisis at both sides

 

Being alive is an effort

Being sane out of question?

 

Are we designed to be crazy?

Somebody (genes) to blame

Breakdown damages brains

Thin is line walked, think

Optional heaven:

Vacant blue sky

Visible sounds

Meadows, flowers around...

 

Be an artist!

Embrace the pain that eats you alive;

put pen, paintbrush, note on a page and

Create!

 

----------

Let go of resistance

Save your Soul,

allow the Light flow...

 

 

Mental Health Arena. Discussion panel. The guests: recovered mental health 'service user' who made a decision to investigate and document his illness through Art- Well known artist today. Beautiful young girl, recovering 'service user' who participates in The Gateway Project- provided psychological support for people, who lived experience of mental health issues and emotional distress. And the head of HSE Mental Health Department of the city.

The artist delivers a message: 'Mental illness is self created'. The beautiful young girl starts blinking more rapidly, protecting her (their) secure zone... HSE: 'We are willing to help. What do you want us to do?'

 

This question to answer I leave it to you ;)

 

 

 

(... after 'The Rocks in my Pocket' animation about exploration of depression, anxiety, suicide and the legacy left by them upon director Signe Baumane and her family. I was amazed.) 

 

 Briga Saulė, 2013

 Briga Saulė, 2013

by Brigita Stasun

35.

Small Windows of Time

 

'The strain of being at two places at once, of needing to accommodate two opposite conditions of truthfulness simultaneously'- is the articulation of Seamus Heaney tonight, this time- in dance.

Seamus's point of view: 'We are not the source but are perched on the periphery, looking on.' Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, but I guess it is just another point of view, 'contributing to the question at the heart of this piece'... On the other hand Hey, who can trace those layers of thought of Seamus Heaney, hehe

Buddha said: 'The essence of life is suffering.'

Heaney: 'Admit, get comfortable with this understanding and insoluble problem will lose its logic.'

Okay, I know that I suffer.

 

I watch the questions put into motions, how interesting. They dance Reflection vs. Responding. They dance suffering in fixity of a place. They strike the moves of 'when places (and people?) decay- they become most open and vulnerable'. They dance on repeat a few times which tackles my question: 'Does repetition relates to adaptation?'

'... to accommodate you have to wait. Go slow, letter by letter, do not jump ahead.' Has somebody just said that or it is all in my head?

My mind swings and no longer registers. Consciousness makes new words from random letters that on the stage; dancer's heart pulsates, smoke released to bury the loss...

          starts shifting... suggesting you move towards the attachment (once lost) to LOVE...

 

 

(... incredibly exuberant mindful evening with Liz Roche's 'Neither Either' in Home of Dance- Firkin Crane Theatre.)


'The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.'  (Thich Nhat Hanh)

 

'All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.'  (Helen Keller)

 

'There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.'  (Buddha)

 

by Brigita Stasun

34.

Release the Calm of Vanilla

 

In a cosy coffee shop I watch the main street of my neighbourhood passively buzzing through the wet day. I count bright coloured umbrellas while clocks watch, counting my time... Mist embraces the church of St Anne's, spreading pastel veil dims our houses, shops, pubs; makes me 'comfortably numb', able to accept all what comes: an empty wallet, a little suspended growth (you think so?) one leg in the business markets and one in the art world... Nothing is proper when energy splits (now Wellington boots come into count) the doors of two different worlds opens up and closes down simultaneously and wise Caterpillar doesn't exist to advice; but the warmth is poured into a cup to enjoy watching the main neighbourhood street I very much like.

Mist comes down half the way and slowly takes off, switches off colours but puts on the lights; lands hope once again, oh dear, what is going on...

 

I swing in between red lipstick attitude and promises which turn into rain; but my yellowish senses tell all will be okay- Somehow at some point your world will be glued into One. 

 

 

(...grateful for the coffee shops :)


'One truth is clear. Whatever is, is right.'  (Alexander Pope)

 

'I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.'  (Michael Jordan)

 

'Surrendering is the key and in that space of surrender what is revealed is God; the Gold.'

 

Briga Saulė, 2014

Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

33.

Surreal Satire piece from the young writer of Cork- David O'Doherty. Enjoy!

 

 

The National Liar's Association

 

As far back as I can remember I've always been the most honest man in me village. So, when the flyer for the meeting dropped in me letter box I just knew I wouldn't go. 

It was on in the big hotel in town; the one with the windmill and the rotating bar. In the Mark Twain Suite, the flyer said.

Sure, when I got there, wasn't the door locked. A peep through the keyhole revealed only darkness. When I pulled me eyeball from the vicinity, who should I see only a likely looking fella in green crushed velvet. He gave me the nod. He seemed an honest type.

'You look like a man who knows what he's doing' says he.

'I am' says I.

'Are you here for the meeting?' says he.

'I'm not,' says I, 'I'm just browsing.'

'Right you are,' says he, 'drink?'

'I won't,' says I, as we made our way to the bar.

'On me' says he.

I paid for the drinks- a triple babycham and a coke for himself, a pint of whiskey on the rocks for meself.

'How did you come?'

'By giraffe' says he.

'Hovercraft' says I.

'Very nice,' says he, 'what model?'

'Mitsubishi 142-C' says I. 

'Good mileage?'

'Not bad' says I. 'The giraffe?'

'0-60 in five seconds' says he and swigged from his rum and pineapple.

The crowd at the table next to us were tucking into fierce tasty looking panda steaks. 

'Do they a bit of grub at these meetings?'

'They do,' says he. His tummy rumbled. 'Myself and the giraffe stopped for a burger on the way.'

'Where's the giraffe now?'

'Outside parking' says he.

'So what's the story,' says I, 'the flyer said to come here.' I slurped from me bottle of porter.

'Did it now?'

'Could it be a lie?' says I.

'I couldn't say now' says he.

'It couldn't' says I.

'Couldn't it? says he, as he dipped a chocolate digestive into his mug of tae.

'Have you been to these meetings before?'

'I have' says he.

'Many come?'

'Just myself and the giraffe usually' says he. 

'I see' says I and puffed on me pipe. 'And what do you discuss?'

'You know' says he. 'Current affairs, politics, the government.'

'The government?' says I.

'Good, honest bunch' says he.

'I'll drink to that' says I. We raised our steins in a toast.

'Sport too' says he.

'Is that right?' says I. 

'It is,' says he, 'the giraffe's mad for the golf. Are you into the sport yourself?'

'I am' says I, as I downed me shot and sucked on a wedge of lemon.

'Which one?' says he.

'The one with the ball' says I.

'That's a good one' says he.

'What about music?' says I.

'What about it?' says he.

'Do you discuss it?'

'We do' says he and hit a triple twenty. 'Do you play?'

'I don't' says I and potted the black. 'I don't play seven instruments, including the Peruvian Harp Flute and The Amazonian Ukulele.'

'Would you believe,' says he, 'they're the very instruments I do play?'

'I would' says I, as I composed a sonata for piano.

'Well,' says he, 'how did you get started?'

'On what?' says I.

'On the ol' lying' says he.

'I've never told a lie in all me days' says I.

'Me neither' says he.

Deciding against desert, we polished off the last of the spuds and went our separate ways.

 

Briga Saulė, 2014

Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

32.

In Between Scenarios

 

I am surrounded by verbal 'failures'. Almost every day I hear that I am not going to make it. Almost every day somebody has an intention to let my hopes down in some way.

I did not get Legal Secretary position- the very first interview for a job that I attended. 'You have lost a battle'- told me not very optimistic friend of mine. A battle? Didn't exactly felt like a 'battle' to me. Why do we use this kind of words and expressions, sometimes I wonder? 'No, I didn't'- I said- 'you cannot loose something you never had'. Why are we looking for a reason to fail??

'You have lost an opportunity'- he rephrases then, I smile. I didn't loose the opportunity either, I used it! 'Every opportunity lost is an opportunity found' besides that, no? I was a second candidate out of twenty to get this role, those solicitors said. They just chose someone with more experience and I completely understand and respect that!

Maybe I am applying for the positions which are beyond my reach, sometimes I think that too. But as long I do believe I am able for them, I will. I will try until I'll get an understanding that I bite too wide. But for today I have a different one, so I keep going.

 

'It is not going to happen, come back to Galway, you had it all'- I listen to another lecture educative, thinking proud to be like Don Quixote, imagining making it... But once again, to 'make it' maybe has a different meaning to all of us, ha? And is 'making it' not a prelude to 'made it'? Since when 'I am trying' started not to make sense anymore? Is it since the time we stopped trying?

 

Anyway, I cannot afford thinking this way nowadays. And I cannot take on board someone's projected failures right now. I have enough opportunities lost to be found for today. And enough gains to focus on too. Every day is a different challenging day. But I overcome every day. Because I am starting to find beauty in boundaries, delicate balance in chaos and patience for oppressive stillness, nuggets of trust and all those beautiful things which never were on my map...

So every day I learn better to swim. And some days I even get hungry for more. I watch myself wondering through hidden streets, rented rooms, tearful air and all those joyful moments which sparkle in gold; looking to find things which are made from 'Believe' and 'Try'. And I do...

'... hungry for this and this and this your living kiss...' hehehe (C.A. Duffy)


'We are all capable of greatness, however, it is only our deepest hidden fears that keep us from stepping into it. Remove the fears and with a little tenacity, greatness simply happens. We are powerful beyond measure, but we play small in habitual ways because we have not yet examined the contents of our own mind and removed the weeds which do not belong there.'  (www.thehealersjournal.com)

 

Briga Saulė, 2009

Briga Saulė, 2009

by Brigita Stasun

31.

Taste of Destination

 

Sweeten up your decision with caramel, sprinkle almonds

Get addicted to your vision the way you had to stories of 'Pink Panther'

Look in a mirror, try a little chance on-

It landed on your eyelashes like daisy petal which calls for 'Loves me'

Open your mind and see yourself marching positive pathway

 

One step away from

Fresh Belgian Chocolate

You Are

 


'Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.'

 

'Celebrate the fact that you are not where you used to be.'

 

Marga, 2010

Marga, 2010

by Brigita Stasun

30.

Dangerous at the Edge of Insight

 

Alice paths I walk to wonderland of Triskel; by the line of sound naked emotions hang like clothes on a clothes horse... How intense they are lately, how colourful; sometimes they blind me to reach extreme, to pull a string so close to strand. So close to feel how it vibrates waiting for your decision to last or to brake... So many times I reach this point and for so long I stay on hold. I feel its vibes all over me, I feel intense: I see, I hear, I smell, I touch, I live it all. Like acrobat I walk the line in circus, I stand its middle and I shake

I barely stand. I doubt

But I am here, on the line, in violet red intense.

 

And sometimes only red.

 

Deep breathe

Deep think. Deep sleep

Deeper

Well deep.

 

Walk the line.


'It is when we don't see the greater reason behind our circumstances that we become trapped in them. But when we acknowledge the role of Universal timing, we can take steady steps towards our ideal reality. <...> with each cycle comes a lesson.'  (www.thehealersjournal.com)

 

It is five phases of time here for us, wise people say.

 

Stability- the time of consistency and prosperity. <...> reap the delights of precious balance as it is also fleeting. Solidity is what we seek in our Spirit.

Chaos- is temporary but necessary to regain stability. Order emerges from chaos as new foundations are formed. <...> remain well grounded in your aims and ambitions.

Movement- 'the time is now'. <...> take all that you are given and apply it towards your potential. Live full momentum of the moment.

Stagnancy- the time for reflections. <...> turn inwards, concentrate of Self improvement; you will be more secure in yourSelf.

Adaptation- intermittent phase between phases.

 

And they move in circles all the time...

 

Art in Wexford . Briga Saulė, 2014

Art in Wexford. Briga Saulė, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

29.

Business as Usual

 

Days of research how to write the CV, how to entertain interviewer (only particular language they speak) and how to get 'that' job slowly drives me up St Patrick's hill and within the seconds- all the way down. It is just this feeling that everything sells, you know. So what is my price? In business world- a minimum wage, hehehe? Or a little bit more if you know how to answer the questions right!

Firstly- tell me about yourself; how we could use what you have in our business and nothing more, would not fit on a file. 

What are your strengths- one line allowed, so be specific, please. 

Weaknesses, oh yes, no one ever forgets that! Remember, you have to be smart about them. You have to make your weaknesses your strengths by all means, something like that: 'I am not very fast with my work, but very accurate. Which means quality job done so in the end saves company time (and time is money, people say, right?) OR. I am not great with new technologies, in this case I do constant research to learn about them and so I know a lot by now.' Makes sense?

What does failure means to you, yay! I think I would be able to say a lot about a person by the way he answers this question (judgemental me!) Well, I do not have this word in my dictionary and so amen, I learned, I'm glad.

 

Big task preparation for an interview is. You have to figure out how you will fit yourSelf into a template. 'You have to play by the rules'- tells me a friend, respected business woman all the way, so I trust her. I have no choice just to play these games. I know she knows- I do not like them...

 

I try to vent my head with an espresso in a local cafe, which does not distresses me at all and wave back at children on a school bus. Thing that made me smile, before I proceed to the second interview part...


On the next day I get an offer from a guy who runs Oxfam in Cork to come and decorate the window of their shop on Cook Street- it sells clothes; he liked the way I dress...

Surreal is my life :)

 

by Brigita Stasun

28.

The Culture of Flights

 

You come and go

in and out of my body and my heart.

Love language starts and stops and starts again

recording memories of your kind face

and sky blue eyes that lakes

on white pages from time to time...

 

Not often though, because I do not think of you as much no more. There are no lies on white sheets, you never make me shrink into grey phrase or cloth my heart in any way. Ghosts do not dance around me and we do not fall into blind spots. You don't bring flowers and I pay for my own wine. You never hold my hand and that's alright. We just enjoy soft blindness and sweet kindness while it lasts- care of today and a bliss of past... where I was a lake and you were a boat in painted fairy tale, how nice, but this is gone and that is all for us.

 

You come and go

You start I stop

You start again

 

into the lake I drop...

 

Tomas Terekas, 2010

Tomas Terekas, 2010

by Brigita Stasun

27.

Jazz before the Festival 

 

Find yourself entangled into the mystery of unpredictable: feel of an internal chaos and sugar powdered gentleness from heavens.

Find yourself sucked into the intensity of something you never will be able to grasp on in matter, but it will walk unconscious paths... Find yourself sprinkling this with loneliness of dusty pinks on black, of course, the darkest night of faith; of someone's lost Love... do not even go there...

Find yourself well adjusted to it after a while, aligned.

'Love me or leave me and let me be lonely...'

Find in it beauty of your own haunted stories of passionate intrigues, faded stars, blurry horizons, cold coffee, no tunnel and no light... Find yourself incorporating these into those heavy fragments of eccentric sound flow and a triumph of emotional release. Find yourself feeling better afterwards...

'Have you ever loved her, have you hold her hand, have you fulfilled her desires...'

Simple, raw and a little desperate, good... Find yourself a little mesmerised by the surprise of how unreleased can find strong ground on someone's mind.

Find yourself pondering on the edge of perception, pretentious mind...

 

Enjoy yourself stolen for a little while.

 

Then find your coat and leave.

 

 

(... red velvet curtains was opened for Hilary Woods tonight.)

 

Blur . Marius Puodžiūnas, 2014

Blur. Marius Puodžiūnas, 2014

by Brigita Stasun

26.

p.s. I Love You

 

I wish to bring you to the cafe of this Art Gallery, where French sound trips over bright colours of dahlia flowers, bluish green wall boundaries separates antique oak floor zigzags from the rich greyness of hallway's marble white stripes

          joins together someone's passion for beauty and a craft's pride...

 

You would laugh how well I suit this place today in my violet mohair hat, pelerine, orange lips, fountain pen, notebook at hand. We'll silently watch fragrant liquid steam in our china cups you reading a paper, me- writing the colours of your eyes...

You'll take yellow flower from a tiny vase and fit against my hat you'll smile. I'll strike a pose or few pretending to be girl in Paris under mad coloured silhouette; I love these games...

We'll talk in sight, that is the rule; encouraging and grow desire within the minutes passing by. I'll take few pages from your paper and make a fan, to vent the tension of silenced emotions which grow wild exploring woods of fantasies in our minds

          awaiting to explode into an orbit that surrounds the café's planet... mmm... you'll kiss my hand, I'll whine...

 

'Let's read love poem'- I'll suggest after a while, the only book I have today.

'I do'- you'll pull me gently towards you and for a thousand seconds we kiss

      ... the quiet fire.

 

 

I wish to bring you into my new diary.

 

 

 

(... reading 'Love Poems' by Carol Ann Duffy.)


'At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.'  (Plato)

 

by Brigita Stasun