Summer 2014

26.

OBSERVATIONS WITH NO INSPIRATION

 

Dark night of the Soul is lifting a little and I am starting to see the light in the end of a tunnel, thanks God! I feel everything is coming back to normal, besides knowing that dark night is not over just yet. But let's stay with now for a while and be glad that we have today!

I have a plan to see my friend and attend an AA meeting this evening, ha! Why? Maybe for some insights, maybe for long wished experience, maybe because I am an addict, or for something I don't know why. My heart and my mind is opening up again, so I cannot take an advantage of it- I will accept anything and everything the light in the end of a tunnel has to offer. Healing, hope, laughter, good word- anything. How amazing is to be open, innocent and curious to the world! That is why children always has so much fun, right?

 

It is one of the busiest weeks in Galway- the racing days! Women scream rainbow colours in their dresses and march graciously in deluxe hats. Men, neatly dressed in suits and ties are the treat for an eye! They stand in groups and somehow reminds me of London's underground cosmopolitan stories- when the tube's doors opens up and lava of smart dressed men erupts onto almost empty corridors and electric stairways, colouring their grey landscape in navy and black colours of business...

I walk the city smiling at the light, my friend besides me walks talking usual attempts to organize her life better (she has those attempts since a day I met her- which is about four years ago), she even got a diary this time, she says. I giggle at her, she sounds like 'Night Train' jazz to me- so soothing and gently predictable (I hope she'll stay living without too much planning though, hehe). I stick to my plan and she walks me to an AA meeting, where I kiss the door- even the addicts are on holidays this week! So we walk in the rain and talk plans. 

'Let's go to Dublin, babe, I have never visited The National Gallery'- I suggest.

'When?'- she pulls out actual diary (oh, dear) for me to do the same- 'give me some websites of the employment agencies!'- I accelerate the planning game. As she not use to planning and I have enough of it in my life- we both quickly get fed up, and as long as coffee is drunken and cakes are eaten- we embark different directions for more personal experiences...

 

'You have decided to change your life, good for you!'- screams from excitement my other friend that I bump accidently into. 

'Yes, go for it, leave Galway, it has too much of bad hippies'- she states making me laugh loud from this kind of comment wondering what they have done to her.

'I am thinking to leave too'- she says and we discuss possible country which would suit her personality and a lifestyle. We stand on a bridge, tide is so high water almost reaching our feet... if we would lean a little, we would be able to kiss the swans...

'Holland'- she says after awhile and I burst into laugh again- 'yeah, go to Amsterdam, there are no hippies there!'

'Let's go and see a movie'- she takes my hand. But I say no, I am not up for a dark room again, today I walk in light, Hun, sorry...

My hand starts itching (maybe it wants to write something special- been a while) so I quickly observe my options for a place to sit down. 

 

'Can I, please, have a tea'- I ask in a pub at half nine pm like, hehe. I only have two euro sixty cent left in my bag, so what...

'It is a very nice tea house just next door'- suggests me bartender, what a nice girl!

'I know'- I smile- 'their teas are two eighty though...'

'You can't be drinking tea now'- a man besides hear as talking and offers me a glass of wine- 'it is my pay day'- he says, so I accept, but drop the two euro sixty into front pocket of his shirt, ah, this Irish generosity on drinks, God bless. Maxi is his name and he is a 'bad hippie' who played in a band in England for years, but now celebrates his comeback to the roots and hangs in Galway, reading America's murder fiction books.

'You need different things at different times'- we contemplate on our choices- 'you will be fine- you are good looking and you write- you will stand up in Cork'- 'Night Train' jazz is playing to my ears again... I like hippies. I am one of them I think. For some- good one, for some- bad one I guess, but the best one for me. One and only, so to say- in vino veritas must be :)

The pub is pretty empty (racers don't blend with hippies), with perfect smoking area, so I sit, sip, smoke, sip more, smile to myself and write about nothing really. And all is so good, easy and light light light...

Two polish people next to me discussing some book.

'It sounds like a Bible'- one says.

'Oh no no, I am not religious, this book is about the lakes where John Paul went when he was in Poland, because he is from the mountains...'

I start laughing again and feel a little awkward about it, excuse me my friends! They turn towards me and ask what am I laughing from and what do I write here. Polish people are very assertive, you better answer their questions straight away and hope that they be satisfied and leave you alone, otherwise they will wreck your head and then you'll end up answering twice as much questions. So I answer it, hoping for the first scenario, but their take their pints, move closer and start the conversation. I let them talk, enjoying their point of view on numerology, possible hypnosis and 'treat people the way you want to be treated' philosophy. I don't comment or challenge them in any way; I just sit, sip, smoke, sip more and smile, taking an advice that my books suggested me the other day, about that 'willingness of not be right'.

Another stranger joins this party; I turn to look at him and bam! I get an instant feeling that he holds something for me (I tend to recognize people who can and will contribute to my development towards higher consciousness)... He tells me he is a writer too; he gives me valuable tip about writing and tries to trick me into deeper conversation. But at this point I am not able for it- Polish people already gave me enough information to process and recycle, so I suggest him Soul Links and leave, through the sound of some Latin Jazz that dj plays in here... 

On the next day I get mind blowing email from him, which intrigues me for another day of endless search and swap of the insights, experiences, healing, hope, good word- anything and everything the light in the end of a tunnel has to offer... So I go for it, with a feeling that life in Galway does not inspire me no more...

 

Briga Saulė, 2008

Briga Saulė, 2008

by Brigita Stasun