A BIRTHDAY CARD
'We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human journey'- said once Paolo Coelho. I copy and paste this to my friend on a holy day of Sunday...
'In which world are you struggling, baby'- she asks me on not so holy Monday.
I smile. I know she knows. She is a yellow too. She counsels humans- that is what she does. So she still expects me to answer. In counselling is like in law- whatever you say- can and will be used against you, you know.
'I want to send a Birthday card to an old friend of mine'- I say instead.
'Let me guess. Will that be the one you challenged the other time?'- she makes sure she is correct. Counsellor's memory is unmistakable.
'Yes, the same one. I had no choice but to do it. I could not play t h a t game any longer. So you do what you have to do. The road to freedom is never easy...'- I sing the last line. 'I have this beautiful card- of a girl in mountains; dressed in a skirt, made from the palm tree leaves... She stands there, on the top of the highest mountain, with a wooden stick in her hand as a weapon. Alone, but not lonely... Curious and confident...'- my imagination starts to unravel its magic- 'I am going to draw a big heart inside that card and put a white feather in, which I brought with me from the island of Achill in the pages of my diary...'- I am already living a feeling of getting such a beautiful greeting myself...
'Can't you just leave it?'- Madam returns me to the reality show.
'What? Why? It's her Birthday! It is a special day for humans, right?'
'She is hurt, baby. This card will be way too much too soon for her, so you know.'
'Yeah, could be, that is why I write nothing. I just draw a heart. For her to know that my Love for her is unshakable. That's all, baby'- I mimic my friend, thinking since when Birthday cards became a bad idea.
'Look, it is like this- she is upset and, possibly, angry at you. So let her be that much upset and angry. Do not insufflate more fuel into the fire for a time being'- Madam understands humans better than me...
'I get it...'- I whisper- 'but it's her Birthday...'
'Are you aware you still playing t h a t game?'- she asks me gently.
Bang! A knock-out! She is right. 'But hold on a second, my dear human expert'- I take a deep breath before I start my tirade- '< ... > all that does not matter that much in a bigger picture. All what matters is Love. And, I believe, I am here to deliver this Love. To myself and everyone around me, who are in need or want for it. That is how I grow my Spirit. That is how I feel Goddess here on Earth. All that makes me even brighter yellow. All that- is what I do- I send Love cards to my friends on their Birthdays!'
'Goddess here on Earth? Tell me more about it'- she asks.
This one is my favourite line of hers! I smile. And I tell her more about it. Just to reassure that I am not going to go to some cave in those mountains to reunite with the gods in heaven.
'Now you tell me something, please'- I ask her proudly. 'Would you have a slightest suspicion I might be going out of my human mind in any way?'
'No, I don't, but- I can tell you my experience about you as a human and as a spiritual being'- she suggests.
'Of course! Please, do'- in her experiences I trust!
'I miss a human side of you. Yellow can be overwhelming at times. It's just that feeling... Of no space around...'
Wow!! I take a step back. My mind blanks. I hear no more. 'There is no space to be- around you...'- tickles in my brain cells... I am very familiar with 'no space' feeling... And I am already there- in a blink of an eye... 'No space' is my only one fear...
'Leave me alone. I am tired'- does not sound like our joke anymore. I walk away... To rethink in a space... To start doubting Love card to my friend on her Birthday...
(... from the yellow conversations.)